You got a problem? Let's talk about it.

From childhood through adulthood, we are taught that the best way to fix something that's wrong between us is to sit down and talk about it. According to American writer and keynote speaker, Rita Schiano, "talking about our problems has become our greatest addiction."She claims that there are consequences. We can hurt ourselves twice: once when the problem occurred and when we talk about it, the problem hurts again.So a guy named Bob and his wife, Sue, go to counseling to try to avoid divorce. They shout out their problems and suddenly a dragon enters the room spewing fire of destruction everywhere. The dragon feeds off their anger toward each other. Now the poor couple feels worse than before and they're told to get it all out before they can start down the road to recovery. Weeks later, still not finding that road, the dragon eats them both and they eventually divorce.Schiano elevates the issue of venting our conflicts to the national level.She says that broad-based discussions about cancer, obesity and corruption in government have made little progress in making these problems go away, and in some cases, have created new problems that weren't there before. The dragon feeds again, growing larger and more powerful.A few years ago, Mike Wallace interviewed actor Morgan Freeman about racism. When asked about Black History Month, Freeman replied, "You're going to relegate my history to just one month? I don't want a Black History Month. That's ridiculous. Black history is American history."Morgan then asked Wallace if he wanted a White History Month."I'm Jewish," said Wallace."Don't you want a Jewish History Month?" Freeman asked."No," said Wallace.When asked how America can end racism, Freeman said, "Stop talking about it." Then he said, "I'm not talking to a white guy and you are not talking to a black guy. You're Mike and I'm Morgan and that's that."Freeman makes me think that labeling a particular race or ethnicity further segregates us. If you walk into a room with Martin Luther King Jr. to talk to a group of white supremacists about racism, you feed the dragon and have to jump away from its bolts of fire.Bringing strong opposition together can polarize both sides. Look at this recent election. Some who despise Trump already are calling for his impeachment while his supporters sit back and say he's going to fix the mess Obama created. Well, shouldn't we bring both sides together and talk about this or will the dragon just enjoy another feast?Now I'd be naïve to think that racism stops because our mouths close. But the more the media talks about racism, the worse it seems to get. One side is tired of being victimized while the other side is tired of being blamed. Adults can't figure it out, but children do. One place where color and culture doesn't matter is in the preschool and kindergarten classrooms where kids are color and culture blind. We should watch and learn how they all get along.There is merit in the old saying, "Time heals all wounds." Society has raised its eyebrow about equal rights for women, biracial marriages, and same-sex marriages. Protesting didn't make these issues go away. After considerable time passed and everyone took a deep collective breath, acceptance won out and society lowered its eyebrow, at least until the next threat to mankind comes along. Oh, did I offend anyone saying, "mankind"? Should I say, "mankind and womankind'? We need to talk about this. The dragon is hungry!My friend's favorite expression is, "It's always something." We seem to need something that offends us so we have to sit down and talk about why.Schiano says that instead of complaining about our problems, we should be talking about our joys. Now there's an interesting idea. Put us in a Joy Room instead of a Problem Room. Let's share what we love about our lives. By doing so, something else may happen that can help bring everyone together.We stop feeding the dragon and it dies.Rich Strack can be reached at

katehep11@gmail.com.