When my friend Dot talks about her superb marriage, she gallantly credits her husband’s calm, peaceful nature for their 50 years of marital bliss.

She says he never gets mad and doesn’t get flustered by anything.

Sure, we said, but is that because he buries his feelings? Or, is there truly a person who doesn’t let a single thing bother them?

If there is, they must all be men. In our women’s group discussion we agreed that, in general, women are far more open with their feelings.

Many men, on the other hand, are reluctant to share what’s going on in their mind. They mostly keep fears and misgivings to themselves.

My husband must be one of those men because no matter what comes up, he claims it doesn’t bother him.

I, on the other hand, readily share my thoughts and feelings. When we got back into his house after Irma did her damage, I was dismayed, to put it mildly, at the way the wind and rain caused our roof to leak in three rooms.

That means the ceilings of three rooms are ruined and the wall of the bathroom had to be ripped out because of water damage. My total fence has to be replaced and the soffit has to be repaired.

I try to keep it all in perspective because whatever damage we had can’t compare to the thousands of people who lost their homes and everything they owned.

While I am forever grateful we were spared from that, I do find it depressing to look around and see ceilings hanging down and the bathroom I loved half destroyed.

David says it doesn’t bother him. When I point out our main living area is a mess, he says it’s not so bad.

“It’s not anything that can’t be fixed,” he reminds me. “The only depressing thing is only how much work it will take.”

My father would have agreed with David. One of Dad’s favorite sayings was, “If your problem can be fixed with money, it’s not a problem.”

That’s quite the statement coming from a man who never had much money. But then again, he came from the generation that did quite well getting by with little money.

If I keep Dad’s philosophy in mind, then I don’t have a problem with the hurricane damage. I’ll just avert my eyes from the damage until we can do something about it.

David has an enviable, even disposition and just doesn’t get disturbed or depressed about anything.

Or, does he just keep his true feelings hidden?

I wondered about that as I took my walk today. Maybe he doesn’t feel safe to share those feelings like he used to do before we were married.

When I ask him about that, he says he says he does feel like he can share his feelings.

I don’t think so. You know why?

Because he’s a man.

There’s definitely a gender difference in how men and women share feelings.

I’m definitely a communicator. If I’m having strong feelings about something, of course I want to share it.

I found that any heavy weight feels lighter once it is shared with someone you trust. Even though the situation doesn’t change, you feel a little bit better about it, especially if someone else understands your feelings.

I also admit I worry about things much more than my husband. Or, maybe what a guy calls “problem solving” is what a woman calls worrying.

My next-door neighbor says his wife’s worrying reminds him of a comment President Ronald Reagan made about Nancy.

Reagan said he doesn’t have to worry about anything because Nancy worries enough for both of them.

Each year I work on improving a different aspect of myself. My project this year is to avoid worrying. It doesn’t solve anything.

I like a quotation I saw that said:

“Don’t lose the joy of today by worrying about the problems of tomorrow.”

It was nice, though, to have those interesting conversations about sharing feelings in my discussion group.

One woman said her “sharing” has turned her husband into a prayerful man.

“He told me every morning when he gets up, he prays for a half-hour of silence,” she laughed.

Another woman with a keen sense of humor and a gregarious nature says she has a hard time sharing her feelings.

“It took me many years into my marriage before I could bring myself to share my feelings,” she said.

When she finally did, she claims her husband had an interesting reaction:

“He said he liked the old me a lot better,” she quipped.

Since she does comedy really well, I don’t know if she was joking. But I do know we all feel better if we learn to share with someone we trust.

In our discussion group we try to involve each member. One woman sat listening to the discussion on sharing feelings but she didn’t say a word. When we called on her for her thoughts, she surprised us by saying she prefers to listen, not talk.

“I’ve never shared my feelings,” she said, “and I don’t intend to start now.”

What about you?

Do you share your feelings?

Do you think men hold back in that kind of sharing?

If nothing else, I found it makes for an interesting discussion with your friends or partner.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.