It’s going to be a tough week. There is no such thing as an easy week, but this one is going to hit harder than the rest. This week is the first of our own special holidays: the anniversary of our first date. All of the holidays are going to be painful, but the days that were special just because of what they meant to us are going to be the worst.

The other day I read the following quote. “I think some people are just inexplicably bonded. Drawn by forces beyond their own comprehension, they have no choice but to gravitate toward one another. Destined by fate to keep crossing paths until they finally get it right.” - L.B. Simmons

Although Steve and I had been friends for half our lives, we had never managed to connect at the right time. During our high school years, I had a steady boyfriend. While I can’t say I actively entertained any romantic interest in Steve, I distinctly remember his sister commenting that he liked “ditzy, blond, cheerleader types.” I didn’t consider myself ditzy, I wasn’t blond, and although I was a cheerleader, I didn’t think Steve was the type to settle for one out of three.

At that time, Steve seemed mostly interested in hunting, playing paintball and whitewater rafting. When I later asked him if he thought about asking me out in high school, he very distinctly remembered that I had a boyfriend that I seemed quite attached to, and there didn’t seem to be any point in trying, and also, he mostly just wanted to go hunting.

A few years later, Steve called to see if my brother and I wanted to do some part-time work on the weekends at the rafting center. We both agreed, and showed up to our first day of work together. As we walked up to the group of employees, I noticed a clean cut, well-dressed man who was clearly in charge, issuing orders and giving directions to everyone. I was immediately impressed by his confidence and the authority that he had, without coming off as arrogant. I whispered to my brother, “who is that guy?” My brother immediately burst out laughing and said, “That’s Steve, you idiot.”

There was no way to reconcile the young professional in front of me with the long-haired, free spirit that I had worked with only a few years earlier. I was sure my brother was wrong, but in a minute, Steve came over to welcome us to the job. I was speechless, which was fine, because he was more than happy to do all the talking. Later that evening, I was introduced to his girlfriend, and immediately all my hopes went out the window. He was so busy working that for the next few months, I rarely saw him, let alone talked to him.

Finally, after another five years, our paths crossed again, which considering that we lived about a mile away from each other, took a surprisingly long time. This time, however, I was prepared. See, Steve had joined an online dating site. As I read the description of what he was looking for in a relationship, I was relieved to see that ditzy, blond and cheerleader types were not listed. In fact, if I had been asked to write a description of myself, it might have ended up sounding a lot like what he wrote. “Me, he’s looking for me,” I thought to myself. Now, I just had to make sure he could find me.

To make a long story short, I knew that we worked out at the same gym, although at completely different times. Due to my work schedule, I could never manage to get there at the time that he did. Finally, one day, bad weather meant a short work day, and I sped home to get to the gym as quickly as I could. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that he had signed in shortly before I arrived. I jumped in the machine rotation, trying to position myself so I could view the entire gym in the mirror. I was mid-set when Steve walked right by me.

As I watched in the mirror, as he walked toward the exit, I was once again tongue-tied, unable to gracefully extricate myself from my lateral pull-downs, and I wasn’t going to be the one to chase after him anyway. Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and turned around, and our lives changed forever. Of course, now I think, if only he had kept walking, maybe he would still be alive.

A friend recently asked me if it is better to have had what we had and lost it too soon, or if I would rather if it never happened at all. My friend reassured me that if Steve knew what would happen, he still would have turned around that day at the gym, and knowing Steve, and knowing how much he loved me and the kids, I have to agree.

However, Steve’s not the one who has to live now, without him, knowing what we had, and knowing what I’ve lost. I think if Steve knew he could prevent this much pain, maybe he would have kept walking. I definitely loved him enough to let him go, and he definitely loved me enough to want to spare me from this hell. These are the crazy “what-if” games that occupy the hours that used to be spent sleeping.

We “finally got it right.” Until the day it all went horribly, horribly wrong. So, did we actually get it right? Nothing feels right now, nor does it ever feel like it will be right again. However, I can still feel that “inexplicable bond,” and our three kids, that carry on the best of his traits, are a constant reminder of that bond and how it is not only inexplicable, but indestructible, even in death.

Liz Pinkey is a contributing writer to the Times News. Her column appears weekly in our Saturday feature section.