I miss her.

I realize I might not have appreciated her when she was here.

I never thought much about her. I just went on with my daily life.

To be honest, for the last few years life seems to be having to take care of one problem after another. As I focus on solving each problem, I don’t pay any attention to her.

I thought I would get around to her Someday. But you know what they say about Someday: There is so such day on the calendar. So I never did get around to connecting with her.

So she went way. I’m not even sure how long ago it happened.

But all of a sudden I’ve come to realize how much I miss her.

I want her back. But I know I’m going to have to do a lot of work to make her come back again,

I always though she would always be there. After all, where else would she go? Like it or not, she’s stuck with me, or so I thought.

But here I am, thinking about how much I miss her and thinking about some of her special qualities.

I remember how she loved people. It didn’t matter if it was someone she didn’t know who just happened to sit next to her in the doctor’s office. Somehow, she always ended up in an interesting conversation with the stranger.

She never went anywhere that she didn’t come home with new stories.

Did I tell you how much she loves stories? Other people fascinate her so she finds it easy to connect their stories to her “feel good moments.”

That’s another thing I always liked best about her. She was always an up person. If she was having a tough time she always found a way to quickly bounce back into one of her happy moods.

I appreciated the way she found joy in so many little things. Every time she walked outside for her morning walk the first thing she said was, “Oh, it’s a beautiful day.”

To her, every day of life was beautiful and she never took it for granted.

If it was raining when she wanted to take her morning walk she didn’t stay home. Instead, she picked up an umbrella and walked out the door for her walk. She always kept a few of what she called her “happy umbrellas.” She never used a black umbrella.

She liked happy colors.

One time she was invited to a party honoring a county judge. Just as she always did, she opted to wear what she called her “happy clothes.”

She wasn’t aware that mostly everyone was dressed in black. Most of the women wore dressy black cocktail dresses. She didn’t notice that until the judge came to talk to her, complimenting her on her red dress.

Well, she never thought she had to do what everyone else did. If they liked black that was fine with her. She just preferred her happy colors.

When she was in high school one of her favorite outfits was a pink plaid pinafore that her favorite aunt made for her.

Her mother, who was always dressed like a fashion model, told her the pinafore was for little girls, not high school sophomores. Yet, when the class photo came out her mother was surprised to see four of the classmates were wearing pinafores. Maybe her daughter had started a trend.

Not that she noticed. She didn’t spend time comparing herself to others.

In high school she loved roller skating. Her father taught her to waltz on skates and it was one of her favorite activities, even though most of her friends thought they had outgrown roller skating.

It didn’t take much to make her happy. While many of her friends went on exotic summer vacations, she was happy at the local swimming pool. She even went swimming on rainy days because she liked the way she just about had the pool to herself.

She loved dogs but her mother never allowed her to have a dog. That didn’t stop her from visiting her neighbor’s dog every day. When she entered the dog into a local dog contest they won a prize for friendliest dog.

Why do I know so much about her? Because she is the one I see when I look in the mirror every day.

I know she used to have a heck of a lot more fun than she is having now.

Last night she took a break from her “must do” list and went to a volunteer dinner.

It was only when people kept coming up to her saying, “Where have you been” that she realized it’s been far too long since she went to a big social gathering.

“Seriously, why have you stayed away,” asked one of my friends.

That made me realize that the Pattie who used to socialize and have fun has been replaced. Between how COVID has changed my group activities and losing my home during the hurricanes I replaced my fun-loving self with someone with an endless “to do list.”

I want her back.

It’s going to take a lot of effort and I’m not sure how successful I will be.

But I’ll give it my best shot.

At least I might have a better answer when friends ask, “Where have you been?”

Email Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net