One again this week I was surprised after talking with a woman I have long admired.

She does so much for others and frankly, when I watch her in action, I am awed at how much she accomplished.

It’s not just that she belongs to lot of church activities. She does. Serving the poor and the needy is a passion of hers. When we beg for a volunteer I’m never surprised when she is the one that steps forward.

I’m reminded of the adage that says if you need something done ask a busy person.

But her busy schedule isn’t what impresses me most. It’s how she does everything. It’s done to perfection. She does it all quietly. Never seeking the limelight. Never looking for credit.

It’s easy to be a bit intimidated around her because she seems like Miss Perfection.

So imagine my surprise when we worked together on a project and I got to know her a lot better.

When I mentioned to her that I was impressed with her she was stunned. Honestly stunned.

“I never think anything I do is good enough, and I certainly don’t think there’s anything, anything about me that’s special. Quite the opposite,” she said.

This is a highly accomplished woman, yet she told me that all her life she never felt like she measured up.

She and I are just about the same age so we grew up in an era that is far different from what children today experience. It’s now a child-centered family in which parents work to make sure they are raising confident kids who are often told how special they are.

One kindergarten teacher told me when she gets a new class she is confronted with a class full of little kids who all think they are special. She works first to teach them how to get along in a group, understanding they are all equally special.

When I was growing up, we weren’t told we were special. Sure, we could be anything we wanted to be but we had to figure that out for ourselves. We could have our own dreams, but parents weren’t focused primarily on making those dreams come true. That was up to us.

They call it self-initiative and it’s the key to so much in life. No one can give you self-initiative. By its very nature it has to be something within us.

Growing up we were told “to be good” and not to think too highly of ourselves. We were warned “not to be conceited,” as if being conceited was one of the deadly sins. Yet, when I think back, I can’t remember anyone I would call conceited.

Looking back, maybe learning to be self-assured would have been a better goal.

What surprised me when I have conversations with those of many backgrounds is they recall having more self-doubt than self-love.

Who in the world understood the concept of self-love as a child?

And if you didn’t learn it as a child, when do you learn it as an adult?

I’ve been under the impression that kids today grow up with self-love.

So I was surprised with a new survey of several thousand people that seems to suggest my initial impression was wrong.

One recent survey found that the average score was 53 out of 100, meaning that nearly half of those people around the world feel more self-doubt than felt love. It also revealed that age has nothing to do with it.

It seems that many or perhaps most of us have an inner voice that feeds us negative thoughts about ourselves, at least occasionally.

No one else sees or hears your inner voice. According to Psychology Today, our inner voice might have been formed early in our, life but we all have the power to change it.

One article said that many of us wake up with low expectations of the day. We often start the day fearing what may happen.

Sometimes when I start my morning walk worrying about something, I change my thought process by thinking about all my blessing and naming those blessings one by one. It doesn’t take long to have gratitude replace worry. But it does takes effort.

If we wake up in the morning and our first thoughts are, it’s going to be a great day, that’s far better than always anticipating the worst. I had to learn that during our recent hurricanes.

Positive thoughts can have an good effect on your body, mind and your life.

One thing I find is that we seldom talk about our feedings. We talk about activities or things we are planning.

If we shared our feelings more we would probably realize that those we think have enviable lives are just like the rest of us, with some of the same doubts and problems that we all share.

There are plenty of ways to love ourselves more. And there are some ways to overcome self-doubt. We can learn from one another. It’s in sharing that we gain more of our own insight.

So think about it. Are you ruled more by self-doubt or self-love?

Email Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcastnet