MIND: I have to get up. Got a lot to do today.

BODY: I wouldn’t hurry off the bed. I’m older than you think I am.

MIND: Ow! What’s with the left foot? That didn’t bother me yesterday. I’d better sit on the edge of the bed until the pain goes away.

BODY: At my age, the pain’s not going away, at least not for days.

MIND: Take it easy on me, will you?

BODY: Remember last week when you thought you could run from the car to the house through a thunderstorm and then my leg buckled?

MIND I nearly fell in the parking lot. I used to be able to run with no problem.

BODY: That’s ancient history.

MIND: I played baseball. Fastest runner on the team.

BODY: And now it takes me 10 minutes to walk you to the end of the street.

MIND: I’m thinking of talking up golf. Seems like everyone my age plays the game.

BODY: Unless you get the cataract surgery I need in my eyes, you’re going to swing the club and miss the ball.

MIND: Geez. So, I still think I’m young enough, but you tell me I’m getting too old. What’s my whole person put together supposed to do?

BODY: You see it’s like this. You can hang around a bunch of cranky old people complaining this hurts and that hurts or you can hang out with the happier 40s somethings. But then, you’ll want to play on their men’s softball team. You’ll want to water ski with them. Hike the Appalachian Trail. Swim across the lake with them.

And here’s what will happen. With the old people, I’ll get worse with aches and pains and you’ll spend your last years of life depressed talking about disease and death. With the 40 somethings, you’ll pull my hamstring playing softball, dislocate my hip water skiing. You’ll tear you Achilles’ heel about 2 miles into your walk on the trail. And don’t even think about swimming across any lake. Drowning is not on my list how we might kick the bucket.

MIND: Good God! Get old and be ready to die or try to be young again and tear everything inside you apart. I’d rather take my chances with the 40s. Tomorrow I’m going to play Paintball games with them in the Poconos, you know where you run around in the woods shooting each other …. Oh, I have to get out of bed and begin my day!

BODY: Wait! You’re going to hurt my back if you stand up now!

MIND: Hurt your back? I’m just getting up off the bed.

BODY: You’d better lay me down now.

MIND: Why? It’s getting late. I got to get moving!

BODY: I’m warning you. Stay on the bed. You get up now and here’s what will happen. You will feel excruciating pain. You will not be able to straighten my back. You’ll have to walk like an old man older than you and you’re an old man. The pain will go on for days until you finally go to a doctor. He takes an X-ray. It’s inconclusive. He’ll order an MRI which will be denied by your insurance company. Two more weeks of pain will pass until they finally approve of the MRI. The scan will show I have two collapsed discs in my lower back. The doctor will suggest surgery. Six hours invasive. A metal rod will be inserted into my spine locked down by titanium bolts screwed into metal plates. Artificial discs will be shoved between my vertebrae. You’ll need about six weeks of rehab once the swelling goes down and they take you off the pain pills.

MIND: All that’s going to happen just trying to get off the bed?

BODY: Yup. But you must know this is not something that started this morning. My back started to go bad when you were in college and you carried a half keg of beer upstairs to a party and since then you have made it worse by slouching every time you sit down. I’m at the point of no return.

MIND: But you said that I should stay in bed. Will that keep me off the operating table?

BODY: Can’t tell. Won’t know until you get up. It might feel better. If that’s the case with a lot more rest, you could function without pain. On the other hand, staying in bed might lock up my back even worse and make things so bad you might need to call 911.

MIND: Well, this is just great. When I was young, I jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom, ran back to the bedroom, and jumped back into bed without you even breathing hard.

BODY; Yesterday you were out of breath while bending over to tie your shoes.

MIND: When I was a kid, I could run up my backyard steps, grab a Coke, and run down the steps in less than 10 seconds.

BODY: Don’t you remember what happened last month? You were carrying a bag of groceries up the steps outside and you didn’t lift my right foot high enough. You tripped and the groceries went flying everywhere. What you did as a kid in under 10 seconds took you over an hour from the time you tripped, crawled on my knees to pick up all the groceries, stumbled on my legs into the house and then iced my knee to keep the swelling down.

MIND: So, what should we do now? Should I forget the Paintball?

BODY: Of course. Too many obstacles in the woods to trip over. Lots of bugs biting there too and we might pass out from the afternoon heat.

BODY: So, what do we do?

MIND: Let’s stay in bed a little longer and hope for the best. Maybe later we can make it to the couch.

MIND: Good idea! I’ll keep my phone nearby in case I have to call 911.

Email Rich Strack at richiesadie11@gmail.com