“He’s so stubborn.”

My mom would say this to my dad about me when I was a kid.

“He’s wearing blinders.” That too has been said about me.

“He’s got tunnel vision.” I think you can guess that one.

Many Americans are stubborn. They follow the same routines, keep the same beliefs and reject any suggestion to change.

Why?

According to Manfred Kets de Vries in his article, “The Fine Line Between Stubbornness and Stupidity,” being stubborn is centered around the word control. Whether we are right or wrong doesn’t matter as long as we stay in our comfort zone where we can keep control.

The article states that the good side of being stubborn with our behavior makes us persevere toward whatever goal we have set. “It helps us stand our ground when everyone else is trying to tell us we are wrong … stubbornness can be a strong leadership quality and a key determinant of success.” Stubborn people can be more decisive because they know what they want.”

On the other hand, the article asks us when there’s overwhelming evidence that we are wrong, why do we dig in our heels and still insist on staying the course?

Perhaps it’s because we don’t want to deal with those who might prove us wrong, their mockery and it’s like we’re playing a game and they get to say, “I won. You lost!”

The author points out that stubborn people are fearful of any change that might cause a difference in behavior or in beliefs.

We see attempts to change our minds as personal attacks.

We are always on guard, lashing out at anyone who tries to question our ideas.

We convince ourselves we speak the truth and do not allow the possibility that what we believe is not true.

There is no better example of stubborn, opinionated people than those who argue politics. I know of people that have made up their minds about who they are going to vote for president without listening completely to each candidate’s point of view. Then to reinforce what their rock solid beliefs, they watch only TV commentary programs that support their opinions.

It is my belief that if the presidential election was held today instead of in November, the same outcome would occur. If Americans should watch any debates, they would already be convinced who won before the first question was asked.

According to the Kets de Vries article, those who lock down their opinions, no matter what anyone could say to open their minds to other possibilities, are very insecure about themselves and if evidence proves they are 100% wrong, they will try to discredit that evidence rather than accept they are wrong.

The underlying problem with stubbornness is that it can negatively affect personal relationships too, even to the point of ending friendships and marriages. “It’s my way or the highway,” is an old expression that is very much relevant today. Not willing to compromise and have an open mind to another’s ideas makes a friend or spouse feel victimized.

Writer Donna Barnes contends that stubborn behavior is a sign of immaturity and being childish, like the little kid screaming to his mother in the store to buy him something and often the tantrum stops when Mom gives up and buys the thing.

All this makes me think that critical thinking, the ability to judge one’s character and opinions without being persuaded by outside forces, and the idea that being open-minded to accept change is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Having an open mind gains control of the truth rather than holding onto stubborn beliefs. Yet, with social media and a plethora of talking heads on TV telling us how to think and what to believe and how to think, I find it very difficult to have an objective truth about anything.

It is difficult to say, “After looking at both sides of the issue, I’ve changed my opinion.”

That’s a rare act of intelligence in this world today. French essayist, Joseph Joubert wrote. “Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than they love the truth.”

The hardest words I have had to say to someone once I opened my mind to really listening to factual evidence from the opposite point of view than mine were, “I was wrong.” That can be very painful to the ego because saying those words allows the person with the opposite view the opportunity to gloat and even ridicule my sense of intelligence.

When being stubborn ends a friendship or a relationship, then “having to be right” matters more than the people we disagree with them.

Fortunately, I have good friends who disagree with my views on politics and religion, but that never threatens our friendship. We agree to disagree and can make fun of each other about it, too.

Two and a half centuries ago, Thomas Paine in his essay, “The American Crisis” wrote, “To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture.”

Well, Mr. Paine, it appears to me and many other Americans that we are in another crisis where so many play the game with follow the leader with the biggest mouth and public image. We don’t care about the facts, perhaps because it’s easier if we’re told what to believe so we don’t have to think for ourselves. I’m reminded of a movie where actor, Jack Nicholson said, “You can’t handle the truth.”

Well Jack, you’re right. The truth is, we can’t.

Email Rich Strack at richiesadie11@gmail.com.