I visit social media sites to catch up with friends and former students of mine and I often find many posts by random people are platforms for the political far right and far left. There are also pro-life, pro-choice, pro-gun and anti-gun advocates. The vegans take on the meat eaters and women’s sports’ advocates battle transgender supporters.

We have the great freedom to disagree and debate in this country of ours and many are very passionate about how they feel. The problem I have is when the disagreements turn into barrages of personal insults. Author Wendi Jade wrote, “An environment that is not safe to disagree is not an environment focused on growth - it’s an environment focused on control.”

Jade uses the word “growth.” Debates and disagreements should help us grow into new understandings and open our minds to ideas we have not thought of ourselves that offer us new perspectives. Recently, I offered my opinion about the controversial new song by country singer Jason Aldean titled, “Try that in a Small Town,” which to me suggests that no one should try to bring violence into small town America. I have lived in small towns all my life and would not consider moving to any city, but I pointed out on social media that small towns have their own scars of violence. Statistically, there are more school and mass shootings and acts of domestic violence than in other areas so I challenged Aldean’s choice of words: “Around here we take care of our own.” When my opponent in the debate became frustrated with my take on the song, he resorted to personal insults.

My opinion, just like anyone else’s opinion is just that. On a social media site, my viewpoint was ridiculed with vulgarity. This here I believe is our problem and a significant reason why we remain a divided population. Any contradiction results in a loss of respect and becomes an attack on one’s personal character. No one is forced to change an opinion about anything but refusing to accept another point of view is why we are where we are in this country from the floor of Congress all the way to our laptop computers and to our kitchen tables.

Poet Oscar Wilde said, “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions.” To me he’s right. It’s pretty rare to find anyone who reveals new ideas about anything. So, I often play the devil’s advocate just to broaden the view on a topic. That’s when my character gets assassinated. When you challenge people’s way of thinking that threatens their control of what they perceive as the truth, they retaliate with insulting remarks. Author Roberto Bolano said, “If you’re going to say what you want to say, you’re going to hear what you don’t want to hear.”

Respect for intellectual debate is all but gone on social media sites. We become enamored with the bigger mouths and the emotional jargon that supplants any logic or common sense. We all too often applaud nonsense as long as it’s delivered in a stream of high-powered emotion that opens our eyes to pay attention. Once the line is crossed and we become targets for condescension, there’s no hope left for mutual respect.

Eighteenth century physicist Georg Christoff Lichtenberg said, “Don’t judge a man by his opinions, but what his opinions have made of him.” What can we say about those who stubbornly believe what they believe without careful consideration of an opposite point of view? In my high school persuasive writing class, students had to identify and then refute the opposite opinion of theirs regarding a controversial topic. Popular subjects were abortion, the death penalty and assisted suicide. Sometimes students changed their opinions while planning an argument because they found the opposite viewpoint to have more credibility. That’s good use of critical thinking.

Here’s an example with two young school kids talking baseball that illustrate my point.

Johnny: Shoei Ohtani is the best baseball player who ever lived.

Donny: I think Mike Trout is a better hitter.

Johnny: No way! And Ohtani is a great pitcher too. You’re an idiot!

Donny: I’m not an idiot. You’re an idiot!

Put another 20 years on these two kids’ lives and the insults might be exactly the same.

Author Veronika Tugaleva writes, “Life is not a sport. Life is not math. There is no final end goal and there is no right answer. Just because your truth does not match someone else’s truth does not make either of you wrong. ... If I am right, that does not make you wrong. If you are right, that does not make me wrong either. A jar of vinegar can sit in a cupboard beside a box of baking soda peacefully, and we can allow those who disagree with us to exist alongside us without reacting to them. There is nothing to prove. There is enough room in the world for all of us.”

Every day we come up against an idea that opposes our belief of the truth. We feel a need to assert ourselves beyond the control of our frustration. I’m right. You’re wrong. I win. You lose. The truth may be that we both lose. Husbands argue with wives. Parents argue with their children. Social media followers battle with each other. Who wins? And should that be the goal?

Tugaleva says, “Life is not math,” but I feel that when we add one plus one into an argument, it can subtract to an answer of zero that ultimately results in a long division problem that divides us as people.

Perhaps what we need is to multiply our differences of opinions so that we can better understand ideas about our lives than we did before.

Rich Strack can be reached at richiesadie11@gmail.com