Coiffed and ready to go for 2023
By Tom DeSchriver
Words are of gargantuan importance to me.
They are a big reason I have the monetary means to put sustenance on my table - I get paid to deal with them.
I am also infatuated with words - continually pondering ways to use them.
Some words I like better than others and some I hope to never see or hear again - yes, that would be you “physicality.” ... Toss out “monetize” too.
There are certain words, in my most-of-the-time humble opinion that should get more usage.
One of them is “rubbish.”
Rubbish, basically a word the Brits use but one I have no problem confiscating from them, has two distinct meanings - garbage (noun) and reject as worthless (verb).
A nifty sentence would be: “It’s rubbish that I have to take out the rubbish.”
If you’re a teenage boy and use that line the next time mom asks you to take the trash out, it will prove you’re paying attention in English class. But, more importantly, it will result in being grounded for two weeks.
So, in a case like that, take the Eddie Haskell approach: “I would love to take the rubbish out, Mrs. Cleaver, uh, I mean Mom.”
Another word that needs to infiltrate our lexicon more often is “coif.”
“You paid $75 to get your hair coiffed like that?” Grammatically correct, but again, gentlemen, probably not the right approach.
The Eddie Haskell rule comes into play here, too.
“Love the ’do, whoever elaborately coiffed your hair for our date tonight did a fabulous job. Worth every penny.”
Words weren’t always on the top of my thought list, until I had Mr. John Meixell for senior class English in high school.
Sidebar: When Mr. Meixell introduced the author of “The Canterbury Tales” to the class, his exact words were: “It’s Jeff-rey Chaucer, not Gee-off-ree or Goof-er-ree.” To this day, when I think of senior English, I think of Goof-er-ree Meixell.
The other thing in the deep recesses of my brain are two vocab words - Goof-er-ree Meixell gave us five each week that we had to use in sentences.
Those words are: Cistern and quaff.
A cistern is basically a tank for storing water, while quaff means to drink liquids, usually alcohol, heartily.
Yep, you guessed it. My buddy put the two together for one of his sentences: “We are going to quaff a cistern of beer this weekend.”
Needless to say, Goof-er-ree Meixell was one jocular educator the last day of school in 1977.
For the first time in about 40 years, my New Year’s resolution will not be to “drink more water or eat more fruit.” I’m tossing those into the cesspool of good intentions and vowing to use an ever-expanding array of words.
Whatever your resolution is, I hope you have a wonderful and healthy 2023. If you are going out on the town, make sure to coif the ’do. And if you’re going to quaff a cistern of beer, be sure to get a DD.