There’s an intriguing story in The New York Times modern love essays called “Love doesn’t have to mean war.”

Writer Jordana Jacobs detailed the way she and her ex-husband continue to live in the same house, with each living on separate floors.

Their 8-year-old son runs freely from one parent to another.

“Our marriage didn’t work out but we have made the most of it,” she says.

Her ex-husband’s new partner lives there, too.

Jacobs says the girlfriend is a nice woman who has had to reconcile herself to their unusual form of co-parenting.

She admits it doesn’t always run smoothly.

When Jacobs was downstairs in her husband’s part of the house she entered their bedroom to deliver their freshly washed clothes. (Imagine that - divorced and she still does his laundry.)

She ran into the dripping wet girlfriend who had just stepped out of the shower.

That pointed out their need to establish firm boundaries and stick to them.

Jacobs says it’s sometimes difficult but they all have gained by choosing love over hate.

I was especially interested in that subject because all around me I’m seeing divorced couples that are forging new positive relationships, sometimes after years of hostility.

One woman I know tried that one-house, two-floor solution after she and her husband got a contentious divorce, causing their 10-year-old daughter to say she was being torn apart by the ugly divorce.

Her ex-husband didn’t take into account that by trying to hurt his ex-wife he was hurting his daughter, too.

For the sake of their only child, they began living on separate floors of their house.

It didn’t work because there were no boundaries. Her ex-husband came into her bedroom at 2 a.m. to scream at her, venting the anger that was still consuming him.

When she and her daughter worked together in the garage to paint a desk for the child, her ex-husband exploded in violent rage because she got paint on the garage floor.

The violence kept escalating and they had to end their joint living arrangement.

Here’s the interesting part of their story.

Time has a way of healing some hurts and angry feelings have a way of settling down - or, at least not leading to more hostility.

Ten years after the divorce both began to soften, somewhat. They did it for their daughter, not for themselves.

“It was awkward at first but we began to be able to talk to each other nicely,” said my friend.

What helped everyone was her ex-husband’s new wife. “She’s a warm and loving person and was responsible for some of the healing we all had,” said my friend.

This past Thanksgiving when she would have been spending the holiday alone she was invited to join her ex-husband, his wife and extended family.

“We honestly all got along and enjoyed being with each other,” she says. “Even my former in-laws were nice to me.”

It’s something that could not have happened during the early, contentious years of the divorce.

My friend said she learned to see her ex-husband in a new light, appreciating the good things about him. They now can chat together like two people who care about each other.

“It’s a heck of a lot better than divorce warfare,” she says.

I call it spreading love, not hate.

In my own family there are two other cases of divorced couples that have opted for taking the high road and allowing a positive relationship to overtake hatred and hostility.

I am so proud of Ricky for being able to do that. He was crushed when his wife of 35 years left him for another man. To make matters worse, she admitted she was having an affair with the guy for the past year.

When he realized divorce was inevitable, he told her he wanted to follow the example of another family couple that stayed friends through their divorce.

“We had many years together,” he said. “It’s not necessary to hate each other or to do spite work.”

True, but isn’t that what happens much of the time?

Ricky also told family members not to say anything that would hurt his ex-wife.

Their lawyer said he never saw a divorcing couple treat each other so well.

Perhaps the strangest living arrangement of divorced couples is that of my new acquaintance Vanessa.

After she married for the second time, she stayed friends with her first husband.

She convinced her husband that he should allow her first husband to live with them. It’s been more than five years and now all three bought a home together.

I met them on a boat when she introduced me to her first husband and her second husband.

I laughed when she said it but it’s no joke. All three of them do everything together.

I think that’s called “can you top this?”

My dear friend Jeanne cried a lot when her husband of 36 years told her he was getting a divorce because he wanted to go on dating sites like his friends were doing.

After their divorce they continued to treat each other well.

Jeanne says she forgave him, not for his sake but for hers. “That leaves me a beautiful peace,” she says. “I want my heart filled with love, not bitterness.”

Anyone smart enough to know that deserves all the goodness it brings.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.