By Pattie Mihalik

When should we stay and fight for something we believe in, and when should we walk away and say, “I had enough?”

In my way of thinking the more dedicated and determined you are, the less likely you will walk away from conflict or controversy.

You will stay and try to make everything better.

I have a wonderful friend who happens to have held a major position in our homeowners’ association.

For 10 years he had an invaluable role. He was the peacemaker, the bridge that joined differing sides together.

Truthfully, he was probably the most admired person in our community because he was the one who managed to get things done. Yet he never took credit for an idea. As soon as a project he proposed was accomplished, he put someone else in charge.

I know all this because of my newspaper role. When it came time for getting credit, he made sure it was someone else in the spotlight.

I don’t know how many people outside of the board of directors knew all this. They only knew he didn’t seem to have any enemies.

Do you realize as I write this I’m using past tense?

That’s because last month my friend did the unthinkable. After being re-elected by the biggest majority ever, my good friend resigned. I couldn’t believe it.

Because we’re good friends, I sat down with him to ask what the heck happened.

He had to leave, he said, because he was drowning — drowning in negativity.

“People are changing,” he said, “and it’s not for the better. Why have we become so fast to criticize, so fast to tear someone down without the facts? So fast to fight?”

We talked about the changes we see on the national level and now in our own association. Whereas once we seemed to be people who liked each other, we now seem to pick each other apart, criticize other views and decisions.

At first my friend did what he’s always done — he patiently explained and explained, sure that the nitpickers would understand.

Instead things kept getting worse. The entire atmosphere is changing.

As all this was happening, my friend got some bad news. His cancer has returned. His doctor said they got it all and it shouldn’t be a life-threatening problem.

But that health scare forced my friend to take stock of his life and realize it was time to make changes.

“I need to surround myself with positivity, not negativity,” he said.

So he walked.

Now another close friend on that same board of directors is also walking away.

Too many malcontents, he said. Too many spreading false information.

I understand their reasoning. Yet I also understand if the good guys leave, they are leaving the inmates to run the insane asylum.

Kenny Rodgers had a song decades ago called “The Gambler.” He sang, “You gotta know when to hold ’em,

Know when to fold ’em.

Know when to walk away,

And know when to run.”

My friends have chosen to walk away.

Others who were approached to take their place said they didn’t want any part of dealing with all the dissension on a regular basis.

It doesn’t bode well for the future of our community.

Maybe we need to take the long view which acknowledges boards will change. Those fighting to run the asylum will get the chance. Years later, others will come along to challenge and criticize them.

I keep asking myself if all good men (and women) won’t get involved, doesn’t that leave only the meanness and bickering?

Would I have made the same decision as my close friends who walked away?

Probably.

Life is short.

Too short to spend it bickering or mired in negativity.

Truth be told, I run from negative people. I also run from those who spread malicious gossip and ugly accusations, especially when they’re not true.

Here’s a question. If you’re a peace-loving person, what do you do when someone tells you a malicious falsehood you know to be untrue?

I tend to say, that’s not true, and tell them why I believe it isn’t. But I don’t argue about it.

Last week as I listened to a woman spewing outrageous untruths about others, I laughed and gently said I didn’t share those opinions. Then I changed the subject.

If this continues, I will have to do more than change the subject. I’m changing those companions.

Are people getting meaner?

There is a way to counter that. The rest of us have to get nicer. Kinder. Gentle with each other.

How about just doing that in little things. Let the person standing in a grocery store line get ahead of you if she only has a few items.

Look people in the eye and offer a smile. It costs nothing but does wonders for those who give smiles away and those who receive them.

This week health authorities Drs. Oz and Roizen ran a column titled “The incredible benefits of kindness and empathy.”

They quoted research from around the globe that showed kindness and empathy aid greatly in our quest for better health.

Kindness works to reduce stress, increase happiness and ease inflammation, they conclude.

Hopefully more of us will join the kindness epidemic.

It’s greatly needed, now more than ever.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.