By Marta Gouger

I received a disturbing letter recently.

It wasn’t the content that upset me.

The handwritten two-page letter criticized the way we played stories on two rival companies. One made the front page and one did not. At least that week.

I can handle criticism most days. I’ve had practice.

What upset me this time was that the letter writer didn’t give me a name or an address. I had a former co-worker who would have thrown that right in the trash. He said he wasn’t going to waste any time on someone who couldn’t be bothered to identify himself.

My reaction was despair. I want to have a conversation with that reader. I’d like to explain why I thought that story was important enough to be played on Page 1. Even if we didn’t agree, I would feel better if we both aired out our opinions.

But neither one of us will have that opportunity now.

If I could, I would tell that person that I have tried to reach out to the other company.

I would explain that we put news on the front page based on how many people we think it will impact.

But I can’t because I have no idea who it is.

And that makes me sad.

Let’s face it. The Times News, like other newspapers, would be nowhere without readers.

I enjoy hearing from our readers, even the nasty ones. Yes, we do get those. In fact, we get more negative calls than positive ones, but I am happy when readers care enough to call.

We want readers to feel allegiance with the newspaper and gripe to us, just as they would to their families.

But hiding your identity helps no one.

Maybe we’ve changed because of social media.

I have seen so many people criticize others, their beliefs and ideas. People get downright insulting because they can hide behind their phone or computer. They would never say those things in person. At least I hope they wouldn’t.

They seem to think their keyboard gives them the permission to be a jerk.

Last week people began sounding off about a firemen’s festival.

A local fire company discontinued its popular carnival earlier this year because of rising costs and lack of volunteers.

Four of the fire companies joined together to put on a festival at the West End fairgrounds. They worked hard and were able to pull together vendors, a few rides and a lot of great bands.

People started criticizing the festival because of what it didn’t have instead of what it did have — a lot of great volunteers. It became about them, rather than a chance to support volunteers.

I am biased because I have seen firsthand how volunteer firefighters leave their jobs to battle fires in zero-degree temperatures when my grandparents’ home burned.

So for me, $5 a car was a small price to pay for firefighters to give up their time for our protection.

One of my Facebook friends scolded the critics, saying it’s a shame fire companies have to resort to raising money in this manner. I usually try to stay out of arguments, but I did “like” her post.

Yes, people are quick to sound off without thinking of consequences.

We can’t change people, but we can change what we do. We can make sure we are not the ones leaving hate-filled comments.

Here are some rules from a group I was invited to join. “We’re all in this together to create a welcoming environment. Let’s treat everyone with respect. Healthy debates are natural, but kindness is required.

“Bullying of any kind isn’t allowed, and degrading comments about things like race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, gender or identity will not be tolerated.”

I have one to add: If you wouldn’t say it to the person directly, don’t say it.

It seems like these rules should be followed in life, too.