This time of year, joy and celebrating the holidays with loved ones is everywhere. But when the most important person in the world is now gone, the holidays take on a whole different meaning.

The world is moving on, but not for someone who is in the midst of grief.

According to the National Institute on Aging, a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, grief is a complex mixture of feelings. It is everything from feeling numb to being shocked, fearful and angry at the person for being gone, and sometimes survivor’s guilt. This is normal and there are no rules dictating what should be felt when and for how long.

“There is no right or wrong way to mourn,” the agency said in an article about grief.

Sonja Handwerk, a member of Soaring Spirits Lehigh Valley, said she doesn’t think grief ever really ends. It just changes over time.

“The holidays are difficult no matter how far out you are,” she said.

It has been four years since her husband passed away.

“They do not get easier, just more bearable.”

Handwerk said the first year after her husband’s death, Christmas music was too upsetting to hear. She can listen to most of it now, but she still can’t have it in her home.

The institute said grief can cause problems with sleep, loss of appetite, lack of concentration, difficulty making decisions and physical pain lessen, but these will ease in time. It is fine to lean on family and friends for support.

The institute recommends getting some exercise, eating healthy and trying to get enough sleep. Avoid turning to food, alcohol or smoking as a comfort, because these can turn into bad habits that can harm your health.

Let family and friends know when you want to talk about the person who has died, it said.

Handwerk disagrees somewhat with that statement.

“For family and friends, don’t say call me if you need anything. Reach out to the person grieving either by phone call, text, card, etc.,” she said.

“Offer to show someone how to work a lawn mower, snowblower, open or close the pool, take out the garbage, etc. Remember our whole world, as we knew it, has been destroyed. There were often times that first year I had actually forgotten to eat.”

Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died. Use his or her name.

“It is more hurtful if someone does not acknowledge the loved one,” she said. “Talking about them does not make us sad. Just today a friend of my husband’s called me about something my husband did eight years ago, and it warmed my heart and made me laugh.”

Although the intense pain of the loss lessens, Handwerk said that it isn’t a good idea to tell the grieving person that he or she will “get over it.”

“The loss of your spouse leaves a scar that time does not heal,” she said. “It is always there. Sometimes it is more at the surface then other times, especially during the holidays.”

The institute recommends finding a grief support group, because these are people who are or who have experienced the same type of grief. Support groups usually meet at local hospitals, churches or local agencies. Members often have helpful ideas or know of useful resources to deal with grief.

Handwerk found Soaring Spirits International.

“I would also encourage those that have lost their loved one to reach out to groups of people that ‘get it.’ My family was extremely supportive when my husband was killed as the result of a motorcycle accident at the age of 48. They encouraged me to find resources that could help me, especially since none of them have been through this. That is how I found Soaring Spirit International, and it has been a life saver for me,” she said.

For more information about the group, go to www.soaringspirits.org.

“Don’t be afraid to seek professional help,” the institute said. “Sometimes, short-term talk therapy with a counselor can help. It’s common to have roller coaster emotions for a while.”

And as far as the holidays, Handwerk said, “You have already survived the worst day of your life, and that was the day your loved one died. It is just a day, so do what you feel comfortable doing, not what others tell you to do.”

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