I’m thinking of buying an old warehouse and making it into an exhibit called, “Everything That Offends Somebody.”

Now before I offend anyone who’s reading this column, let me first say that I completely understand that certain historical symbols caused terrible pain and suffering to those who had lived under those conditions of brutal oppression.

Yet I fail to understand how the removal or destruction of such symbols would prevent this horrid history from repeating itself. Better to leave them to remind us not to repeat history. To be honest, removal has increased tensions in an already polarized American society.

The list of what supposedly offends us is getting longer every day. I say, “supposedly” because many people do not feel offended by something until someone tells them they should feel offended and then they become offended.

Let’s get to the list so I can start filling my exhibit. I’m going to need a very big warehouse!

Almost every monument seems to be offensive to somebody, so I can’t put all of them in my exhibit. I’ll have a special Presidents’ Hall. I’ll get life-size statues of Thomas Jefferson and George Washington because they owned slaves. Throw in wax figures of John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton because of their marital infidelities that offended morality groups.

Of course, I’ll have to have a Confederate Room the size of Alabama to display every soldier and general from the Civil War South. When offenders scream loud enough to close Gettysburg National Park, I’ll swoop in to get whatever is leftover from the land of Dixie.

In my Book Room of Ignorance, I’ll feature every literary classic that has been banned because they “make people feel uncomfortable” according to a Mississippi school district that recently removed “To Kill a Mockingbird” from its curriculum. I’ll make sure I have some first editions of “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” placed inside a glass showcase. I’ll add the word “Ignorance” above the door to the room because both novels clearly denounce racism in a time and place when it was most prevalent and now they are banned for racist language and perceived themes, which are misunderstood.

I’ll need a Holiday Room decorated with Christmas trees and Nativity scenes. There will be corner display of Santa Clauses for those who are offended by parents who lie to their children and tell them he’s real. Easter Bunnies have made some little kids cry, so I’ll get a stuffed rabbit the size of a small dinosaur. There will be a section dedicated to offensive Halloween costumes and I’ll just let my imagination tell me what I should include for that.

I’ll set up a “Clown Room,” too and include Ronald McDonald. The fast food empire recently removed this clown who has brought delight to kids with cancer for years from their ads because mothers claimed their frightened little sons and daughters wouldn’t go into the restaurants during our recent nationwide clown scare.

I’ll create an Audio Room where visitors can listen to hundreds of ethnic slurs and jokes that make fun of races, cultures and assorted ethnicities. Inside this room will be a Stereotype Section, where you can hear offensive humor from stand-up comedians who make fun of specific ethnic characteristics and behaviors.

I’ll also create a Marriage and Family Room. There will be pictures from same-sex weddings along with articles about married women who now want to be called “partners” and not “wives” because “wife” implies she is not equal to her husband. In addition, the article will point out that a woman who has not given birth does not want to be called “childless,” she is a “woman without children.”

When you enter my exhibit, you will come face to face with a statue of Clyde A. Lynch, who was president of Lebanon Valley College from 1932 until his death in 1950. He raised $500,000 to build a gymnasium that was named Lynch Memorial Hall in his honor.

For the past two years student groups have demanded the building be renamed because “lynch” is an offensive word.

To gain admission into my exhibit, you will have to sign a disclaimer. If you get offended by any of the exhibits, you cannot bring a lawsuit against me or any colleagues who have helped reconfigure the warehouse into a mini museum.

If you complete your visitation and are not offended by anything, you will get a free T-shirt that says, “Get Over It” and underneath, it says, “Free Yourself From Everything Offensive.”

Seriously now, much of what we think that offends us has been put into our minds by political or media propaganda and to understand the knee-jerk reactions by authorities who give in to the demands of the offended few is puzzling to say the least.

Go and ask Ronald McDonald to find out what he thinks.

Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.