BY PATTIE MIHALIK

Is it me, or, is “making social conversation” a skill many don’t have?

One of my male acquaintances answered that question by responding, “Who would want to make conversation just to be sociable?”

Well, to my way of thinking, in everyday life most of us interact with people.

People talk to each other in social situations.

Not everyone knows how.

I must not be the only one who thinks conversation is a lost art.

A friend of mine told me about going out to a birthday dinner party where he tried to be a good guest by engaging others in conversation.

“What I concluded at the end of the night was that not one person asked anything about me. They only talked about themselves and didn’t seem to have any interest in knowing anyone else,” he said.

My friend MaryAnn makes the point that not everyone is comfortable talking to strangers. She claims she is someone who absolutely can’t do it.

“I have to know a person rather well before I can carry on a conversation,” she said.

I can understand that. Quiet people like MaryAnn provide a needed balance.

I find I’m quiet only when I’m not comfortable with those around me or when I’m just getting to know people. Sometimes it pays to listen. But not always.

A while back I went to a very small dinner party where I didn’t say much. Much to my surprise, the next day when the hostess got me alone she reminded me when we are at a dinner party, it is our social responsibility to talk to others.

I forget why I was so quiet that night but she was right and I was wrong not to talk more. It is our social responsibility to help make a dinner party a success.

Usually, I’m an extrovert who enjoys talking with people. And to me, there is no such thing as a stranger — just friends we haven’t met yet.

I read that extraverts are energized by being with people. From my perspective, I think that’s true. When I come back from a social gathering, I am high spirited and buzzing with energy, especially after I meet a new friend.

A few night ago my friends Andy and Pauline had a few people over to their house. Andy wanted us to meet a woman running for office in our community.

I tried talking to her but she answered only with grunts or one-word answers. I didn’t see her talk to anyone there, except the host.

I think she’ll need more conversational skills than that to be elected to office.

By not talking to anyone there, she also missed out on the chance to get to know some terrific people.

I met the most delightful nurse that night and truly enjoyed talking with her. In fact, we got along so well and had so much on common that we made plans to get together for a ladies’ lunch.

There are many reasons why good conversational skills prove rewarding. Our social encounters often give us worthwhile information, and serve as a basis for building a social network.

Conversational skills are also helpful on the job. One of my relatives realized the reason her husband never got promoted was because he never learned to talk to people. Instead, he mirrored his father, lecturing about obscure subjects instead of joining in a give and take conversation.

She’s had to work at teaching him “conversation” means someone talks, you listen, then you respond to what is said.

You don’t try to dominate a conversation by lecturing about something that interests only you.

The guy in question came to my house for lunch when he was passing through our area. With no advance notice, I had to hustle to put together a nice luncheon meal.

Not once did he thank me. Nor did he ask about me. Instead, he spent the luncheon delivering a monologue about European history.

It was more like a college lecture than a social event.

There was no give and take conversation, no break in his monologue. I gained an appreciation for what his wife was up against in teaching him conversational skills.

If I had to offer one suggestion for how others can improve their conversational skills, it would be this: Forget about yourself. Concentrate on other people and try to learn about them.

When you stop thinking about yourself, you might also lose your anxiety about socializing with others.

One conversational boo-boo we all probably witnessed is the person who loudly dominates the conversation. If someone else talks, the conversational bore isn’t listening. He’s only waiting for a half-second lull in the conversation so he can talk again.

I do find when I am in a big group sitting around a table I do far less talking than when it’s a one-on-one situation. Instead, I listen to what others are saying.

If I notice someone is sitting there quietly without talking, I often try to specifically direct a question his or her way to draw them into the conversation.

Asking questions is a good way to keep a conversation going, especially if it’s an intriguing question that interests others.

If you have a genuine interest in those you meet, you will find it easier to get to know others … and to carry on a conversation.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.