What kind of friend are you?
We do enjoyable things together with our “friends.” Social media supplies us with hundreds of “friends.” For significant events like birthdays, weddings and holiday parties, our “friends” attend.
By now you should be annoyed how many times I’ve written that word inside quotation marks. I did that purposely because in any or all of these scenarios, these “friends” may not be true “friends.”I’ve experienced the death of each parent and both of my sisters, and a failed marriage, too. This past month, a 44-year relationship ended with the passing of my great friend, George.George was a part of many of the activities I described above, but that’s not what separated him from many of the “friends” who came only to have fun with me. George and his wife, Terry, were by my side during divorce and death, times when I hurt and felt despair, during moments of fear, vulnerability and loneliness.So who comes to be with you when someone you love dies, you lose a job, you get a serious illness, or your world is falling apart? You might be surprised that those you think you can count on will ultimately disappoint you, and that may include members of your family as well.You hear: “I know you’re upset, but I have to work that day. Sorry I can’t make the funeral. He was a great guy. Give my condolences to his wife.”“I just got back from a long trip, I’m really tired so I can’t make it. Tell the kids I love them. They’ll stop crying soon. I’ll see you in week or two.”“You wouldn’t believe how busy I am. Feel better and don’t worry. Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.”Now here’s what real friends would say.“I’m taking off from work. There’s always another day to make the overtime. I’ll be there when the funeral service begins.”“I’ll rearrange my schedule and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”“I’ve been driving for hours so what’s a few more. I’m on my way right now.”True friends are not just there when it’s convenient for them. They will step out of their own lives when you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort your kids, or just be there to listen to your worries.It takes courage to be a real friend, too. Oscar Wilde said, “A true friend stabs you in the front.” He tells you what you don’t want to hear about yourself. He’s not afraid to disagree, or to tell you you’re wrong about what you are doing.So what kind of friend are you?“I’m the best kind of friend,” you might reply. “If you want someone to applaud you when you do something you see as right, but I see it as wrong, you can find plenty of those “friends” out there, but that won’t be me.”What if your best friend told you he just committed a crime and said don’t tell anyone, what would you do? Not say anything? Turn him in? Try to get him to turn himself in?The poet Khalil Gibran wrote, “ Friendship is a sweet responsibility, not an opportunity.” The selfless and not the selfish person becomes the best of friends.Young people often choose their “besties ” just like they pick out clothes to wear that will make them feel good. “Best Friends Forever” becomes best friend of the month, the week or the day.But good friends put up with us, accept our flaws, listen to us gripe, and even will tell us to shut our mouths. Of course, they do this because they care and we should realize their special connection to our souls.Of utmost importance is best friendships must work two ways. You get. You give. Don’t whine if she wasn’t there for you if you were never there for her.According to Jeanna Bryner from LiveScience, most Americans have just two true longtime confidants. That number is surprisingly high to me. From my social circles, I see too many who have none.One more thing about best friends. They never leave you. George will be there for me through his eternity right up until it’s time for me to have mine.Rich Strack can be reached at