Driving home by myself, I listened to an interesting program on the radio. A well-known marriage counselor was talking about the five kinds of intimacy.

He said when many people think of "intimacy," they think of sexual intimacy. But in order to have a strong marriage, a couple needs to have all five kinds of intimacy, he said.He went on to list them as intellectual, emotional, sexual, social and spiritual intimacy.I thought the program was really interesting so I told me husband about it when I got home.He said, "You're making that up, right?" He must think I'm really creative that I can make up stuff like that on a half-hour drive home.When I went on to name the five types, he gave me a dubious look that said he thought I was hitting the wine when he wasn't home.David and I differ in inputting information. If I hear something interesting, I can repeat it verbatim but not remember who said it. That's crucial information, in David's estimation, because it speaks to the source.He always wants to know the source of information so he can judge its legitimacy.The man is a news junkie as well as a Trivial Pursuit champ. He always remembers who said what, as well as who did what, even though it might have been a long time ago.When he asked me what marriage expert gave the five kinds of intimacy talk on the radio, I told him I thought it was Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The Five Love Languages."But just to make sure, I looked it up on the Internet. I absolutely love how the Internet quickly spits out any information we need.I found not one, but several marriage experts who talked about making marriages stronger by incorporating the five kinds of intimacy.I also found two authors who listed six kinds, not five. In addition to sexual intimacy, they listed physical intimacy, stating the two are not the same.Physical intimacy, such as holding hands or giving an affectionate squeeze, is all-important, they said, because it gives a couple a sense of acceptance and comfort.One expert went as far as to claim physical intimacy is the most important of all.In my book, they are all important. From the time I met David I've been impressed with his intellect and emotional maturity. Some experts call it emotional intelligence.From the start, if we had a difference of opinion, he was the one who had the smarts to keep a lid on emotions while talking it out.I've long believed relationships are stronger when a couple has physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual compatibility.When I was a young adult working for my first newspaper, I absolutely fell in love with Lillian and Milt, a couple in their late 60s who were married for 47 years when I met them. I never saw a more affectionate couple.When they watched TV at night, Lillian and Milt cuddled together and held hands. I noticed when they passed each other during the day he sometimes put a hand on her shoulder. When she was cooking, Lillian was never too busy to stop for a hug.I was just a young kid who didn't know much at the time. But I knew enough to realize I wanted that kind of relationship some day.Lillian and Milt didn't graduate from high school, didn't have time to read much, and would never be able to give the definition of physical intimacy. But they sure knew how to live it.I've long believed relationships are stronger when a couple has physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual compatibility. I've always realized if I'm not intellectually compatible with someone, a relationship is never going to happen.We each have to make our own determination about what's important to us.But back to what the experts say about the five (or six) kinds of intimacy.One expert explains that intellectual intimacy doesn't mean academic pursuits. It's a kind of closeness that comes into play when you and your partner talk about work, ideas or things you care about.Being emotionally intimate means feeling free to talk about your deepest feelings, even when those feelings are difficult or painful.I've heard plenty of women say they can share their deepest feelings with other women - but not with their partners. Why do you suppose that is?Sometimes, at the beginning of a relationship, partners feel as if they can share everything and anything. It's a heady feeling. But it's often a fleeting one.There are entire books written about why couples stop sharing deep feelings. When David and I were married, the priest who did our prenuptial counseling us gave us a great book on building and maintaining a strong marriage. It uses the word "communication," not "intimacy."While experts might call it something different, they do agree that couples need to decide what is important to them, then work to make it happen.There's plenty of information on the Internet about building the five kinds of intimacy.If you read it, make sure you tell my husband I didn't make it up.Contact Pattie Mihalik at

newsgirl@comcast.net.