Right after Christmas The New York Times ran a metro feature with an interesting thought about "the very old."

"The very old may lose health, mobility and independence but they gain perspective," said the article.It's sad to think of the things we lose when we get old. And few want to admit to being what the Times calls "very old."Very old, of course, is the age we've yet to reach.I smiled at a recent survey that said people resent being referred to as old. According to the survey, they want to be called seniors. I like that designation better, too.Our local Florida paper learned how being called "elderly" rankled readers after publishing a story about a traffic accident. The reporter wrote that driver was "elderly." Reading further, readers learned the elderly man was 65. Weeks after it was published, the newspaper was still getting letters of protest.(I responded to that indignation by saying I thought the reporter who wrote the piece was 12.)For purposes of their article, The New York Times defined old as 85 and up.What I liked about the article was that it reinforced what I've always believed - age does have its privileges to compensate for its pains. And I agree that as we age we definitely gain perspective.With years of living we learn what is important and what's not.We learn to listen more and talk less because we know if we listen, others will have interesting things to share.We learn to keep our negative emotions in check because experience has taught us we are much happier that way.We learn, too, that happiness has little to do with how much money we have. If we have our health as well as enough to get by, we know we are rich, indeed.We learn not to envy someone who appears to "have it all" because we all have our problems and our burdens, no matter how much money we have. The very rich are not immune to big time problems. Anyone who reads the news can attest to that.Here's one important perspective I've gained as I've gotten older - the solution to many of our relationship problems is this: Just love.Love others. Love those who are not perfect. Love those who don't quite live up to our expectations. Love them for who they are and what they are.I've learned that when you beam love at someone, it bounces back to us in rewarding ways.Think about it. Who doesn't love someone who loves them first?I learned that from my very first newspaper editor. At the time, the foremost attorney in our area refused to accept phone calls from the press and refused to give a single comment.That attorney made one exception. He would tell me anything.When I said I had no idea why the lawyer liked me so much, the wise editor asked me what I thought of the lawyer. "I love him," I said. "I admire all he does to help the poor and how he fights for the downtrodden."My editor said that was my answer. The lawyer liked and trusted me because of my feelings for him."It's impossible not to respond positively to someone's love and sincere respect," my editor said.That was decades ago but I never forgot his words. As the years passed, I've observed so many relationship problems that could be solved with a new perspective.Instead of focusing on someone's faults, what would happen if we focused on their strengths instead?Instead of dwelling on how someone hurt us, what if we remembered something good about them?A few years back a close friend I've had for over 30 years hurt me tremendously. For absolutely no reason, she suddenly stopped talking to me and wouldn't explain what I did. Worse yet, we traveled in the same social circles, and when someone was having a party, she told them she refused to come if I was there.Her spite for me affected our entire crowd.But here's how I coped. I remembered all the wonderful things my friend had done for me over the years, especially how she was there for me during my husband's illness.I told others she didn't have to do another blessed thing for me because I owed her a debt of gratitude for what she did in the past.Just as suddenly as she stopped talking to me, she came back again, asking me to forgive her hurtful actions. I think her attitude changed when she heard I had nothing but love for her.I've never believed in carrying grudges. They're too heavy and will weigh on your soul.Call it the perspective one gains with the years.The other week I listened to a 50-year-old woman say she can never forgive her mother for the hurtful things she did to her over the years.What if she could focus on the good her mother did for her?Call me a Pollyanna but I'll tell you this. There is some good in everyone. If we fill our hearts with love instead of resentment, do you know who gains?We do.If you think all this is too much sweet syrup to swallow, don't worry.When you get older you'll understand.Contact Pattie Mihalik at

newsgirl@comcast.net.