Staff member Chris Parker emailed me this article about lawyers because she thought I would enjoy it since I cover the Carbon County courthouse. I found it so funny that I have to share it with you today. First the credits.

The following quotations are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" by Charles M. Sevilla. These are things people actually said in court, word for word. Enjoy.Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Attorney: Are you sexually active?Witness: No, I just lie there.Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?Witness: Yes.Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?Witness: I forget.Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?Attorney: The youngest so, the 20-year-old, how old is he?Witness: He's 20, much like your IQ.Attorney: She had three children, right?Witness: Yes.Attorney: How many were boys?Witness: None.Attorney: Were there any girls?Witness: Your honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?Attorney: How was you first marriage terminated?Witness: By death.Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?Witness: Take a guess.Attorney: Can you describe the individual?Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.Attorney: Was this a male or a female?Witness: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.Attorney: All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?Witness: Oral.Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?And finally, the best:Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?Witness: No.Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?Witness: No.Attorney: Did you check for breathing?Witenss: No.Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?Witness: No.Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.